Well, before I get into this post, let me say this - I love my friends. I have learned to surround myself with positive, selfless people who are a joy to be around. My honest-to-goodness friendships are not the motivation for this post.
That being said, I will now write on how I perceive some others in society that I may or may not have closely dealt with. In all levels of relationship, whether it be acquaintance, family, leader, minister, friend, lover, etc. - there are people who fit the bill of scorekeeper. You know the type. Their actions are wholly dependent upon the actions of others. Don't mistake these people for followers. No. The people of which I speak keep a tally, of sorts, of their hurts, compliments, triumphs, and other fringe benefits of relationships of all levels and types in their lives. Truly, it must be an exhausting effort on their part, but I've witnessed this behavior over and over.
There are so many things in life that are "score-worthy", including a meal a gratis, an ill-spoken word, presence at an event, etc. Certainly you get the idea. Maybe you have even uttered the words, "Well, they didn't come to my (_________), so I don't feel bad". These people seek justification for every, single action of theirs, and often their insubordinate children, by citing a higher or similar offense by someone in their same position. (i.e. another friend, sibling, minister, husband, yada-yada-yada...) They're always watching. Always judging. Always, always, ALWAYS keeping score. If you give them a card on their birthday, expect nothing more than the same - (not that you should expect anything, which is another post for another day...). If you happen to let slip you think their misbehaved child is such, expect retribution in kind.
What's really distressing is these people, having this type of "condition" have placed themselves in the unfortunate position which requires them to "buy" their relationships. Their family is stuck with them, in a lot of ways, so they continue to be family, unless it's an ex-in-law situation. An unsuspecting, potential relationship will begin and unbeknownst to one side, the other side is keeping track of all wrongdoings, alleged generosities, etc. and will be recalled at a later date. It's a sad state to be in.
Have you ever been in the position of suddenly finding out you are indebted to someone for something you didn't know they were keeping track of? Relationships should be equally selfless, generous, loving, and without tallies. When you keep track of things, anywhere from house visits to birthday gifts to phone calls, it can be tiring and take your focus off of the joy of having the chance to build the relationship in the first place.
Score keeping is symptomatic of a relationship destined for failure, because inevitably, the scorekeeper will find they have "won" a contest only they were playing at and deem their unsuspecting "opponent" a loser.
In the "game" of life, I believe one of my favorite mantras applies very well and that is - "Quitters never win and winners never quit." That being said, winners are too busy winning to keep score. Just saying...
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