Got a Light?

I find myself precariously perched between blatant disregard for church and religion and the burning desire in my heart to please the Supreme Being, greater than myself or anyone else.  There was a time when it wasn't a question at all.  I loved Jesus and I was going to do whatever, whenever, and however it needed to be done in order to get to see His face at the end of this journey we call "Life".  Unfortunately, a lot of LIFE has happened in the process and I find myself confused, alone, and HOPEless.  (There was a funny uttered today to me that is neither fitting for this post, nor befitting my character to recount in a public setting, but it was funny in regards to HOPE.  Trust me and laugh.)  

When you think there's no more rug left to be ripped from under you, you tempt the powers that be to demonstrate your fallible nature and misgivings.  I've often had the thought, "This is it.  This is rock bottom."  I'm now scared to utter such thoughts or let them cross my mind, whether in a fit of depression and self-loathing or just a plain, ol' pity party, I cannot allow the thought in.  Even though it could really be the case this time.  Maybe, just maybe, there's no where to go but up, as "they" say.  (Whoever "they" are, I have not a clue, but I used to get reprimanded for questioning the existence and validity of "they", so I just go with it now.)

What happens when, like plunging into the depths of the deepest ocean, you can't see up due to the lack of illumination?  I've heard, and am hesitant to express my fear that when you go deep enough into the ocean, you have no clue which way is up and deep sea divers have to learn certain skills to keep them from drowning in such scenarios.  Personally, I'm not a great swimmer, so going deep sea diving terrifies me, as does the fact that one cannot tell where the surface is due to the sun's inability to penetrate those depths.

As humanity plunges ever deeper into the sea of despair, what light is there to guide them back to the surface, to the air that awaits their screaming lungs?  I have seen many such self-proclaimed, alleged "lights" - in the market, at the restaurant, in the bank - and there was no light emanating from them.  I'm ashamed to say I used to be the same.  Few and far between are the "saved" souls that seek to share their love for the truth with others.  They have no clue who I am and when I stare in bewildered awe of their rude, brash aura, they glare at me or turn their noses up in the air.

I don't want to be a part of that number, however, today I was able to witness some heartfelt, inspired, sincere Christianity imparted to me.  Wow.  I wasn't at all expecting that level of concern for my soul, having been mostly "written off" by those who used to say (operative word "say"), they cared for my soul and salvation.  A light.  A light even I could see from the low I have presently sunk to.  I'm intrigued and compelled to give religiosity another look, in moderation, as the Bible says all things should be done.

Sing it with me..."If you've tried everything and everything has failed...TRY...?"