Every year, on this day, the reality of the hole left in my heart punches me in the face. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. Perhaps I should have more faith in God, but Dad served God so faithfully and he suffered a slow and painful death. One of our last conversations, Dad told me he still believed he could be healed and it would be so miraculous and a light for all to see. He got his healing, in a different way, but so much less miraculous to those of us who have not seen Heaven. I'm sad tonight. My life is not what I hoped for, nor what Dad would have wanted, but here I am. Weeping over my computer. Disheartened by God's people who put more energy into their dissenting views than winning the lost and winning back people like me. I want to see this place called Heaven. I want to see my Dad. I want to have that last conversation that was robbed from me, as he slipped into a coma his last few days on this Earth. He would know what to say to put my tormented mind at ease. He'd say I need to forgive those I have grown to dislike to the point of sheer hatred. I don't want it said of me that I lost my soul over my offenses. Thank God for my kids. They give me the will to wake each morning. I'm really laying it out there right now and may regret this in the morning, but more than anything I don't want the world to forget my daddy. He never thought of himself as great, and I think I probably took him for granted while he was with me, but he was great. If you didn't know him, you missed out on something special. I'll love you forever, Dad, as long as I am living.
that was beautiful. uncle rene had such a great spirit. Even though his body showed different he was such a strong man, and when i would watch him preach in church he stood there like he had no other care in the world. It seemed as if he was never sick. I look up to him so much, he had such a painful and slow disease and he still gave his all to God. Its amazing how many people he's touched and knowing him was such a blessing. we all love and miss him.
ReplyDeleteThanks, cousin. It's a comfort to hear what I know for a fact that he was something so very, very special. Thank you for taking time to comment. Love you.
ReplyDeleteRene was an awesome man! You were blessed to have him as your Father. Keep your chin up...Heidi
ReplyDeleteChris that was beautiful, it really toched my heart. Your Dad was truly an AMAZING person. I miss him so much. I always think about him and the great talks we had. I really felt his love. I also remember all the times he made me laugh. I love you and want you to know that he will never be forgotten in my heart. Love you Bro. Mendoza and I hope one day to be with you in Heaven.
ReplyDeleteChris, Your love for your dad and HIS LOVE shines through in all that you say about him and in the pictures of him. His kindness, love and committment shows on his face. You honor him by remembering his qualities and striving to embrace those yourself. Please know that my heart aches for you as you appear to struggle with the God/Church/Ignorant people/Hurts that are in or have been in your life. I can only say that we have been there and in some respects are still there but improving. Only God can heal, only He can save and one day, He will judge. The answer is only in Him and that's something only you and He can take care of together. But I'm hoping and praying that you become surrounded with loving people,a place of worship that welcomes instead of judges. You are needed, not only for your own soul but for your family and those only you can reach. Don't give up! Who said you had to get it all figured out? Just take little steps towards Him... We love you and miss you guys. I wish I could kiss that little girl's cheeks - man she's gorgeous. With my love and prayers, Trista xoxo
ReplyDeleteI very much appreciate everyone's kind words. I pray I can be like my dad when I grow up. =)
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